i've been sitting in my tiny living room watching tv and browsing the net, not really doing either of them, wondering how i've come to be where i am today.
for the past two days i've been angry, a deep seeded anger that somehow has been building up for days, weeks, months even... maybe more. I've been so angry i didnt know who to pick a fight with. I just got sick and tired of worrying that i might hurt this person's feelings or that. im sick and tired of always being considered the good and sympathetic person, the person that will forgive u no matter what. It's supposed to be a good quality but apparently people just see it as a weakness. im tired of being seen as weak. i want to show them just how strong i can be. And yet, since nobody has done anything, i have no oportunity to show anyone just how strong i am. All i have is this dark, thick anger that's building up.
I might get three phone calls in one day all of which are people who called just to complain about a certain somthing in their life. i know, if u look back i'm doing pretty much the same thing, complaining, complaining, complaining... but i'm throwing it out there to the world. and most of the time, the world doesnt really care or read anything.
My family and friends all think i can do things, that i can get over difficult situations cuz (in those instances, when im in a hard place or going thru something) those instances i am strong. i can do it all by myself. And they r right, i CAN. But i dont want to, i want to sit back and have someone help me thru it. Why cant someone just ask me how i am and offer to help?
maybe its too much to ask, after all its a "dog eat dog" world.
Today i feel alone but not lonely, angry, disappointed and frustrated...
Today i am unhappy.
Cant wait to wake up tomorrow and have this be just a far off memory.