Chapter One

Where it all begins. I'm sitting alone in my living room in front of the T.V with my purring cat lazily lying next to me.
It all starts here, what i lost over a decade ago, i'm gonna find it again and i'm gonna make it something.
So, what is this blog all about? it's about being open without any inhibitions. About stating things the way they are, the way i feel they are. I'm aware that just because i feel something it doesnt mean that it is reality. But, it is MY reality. So, dont try to debate your way with me here. You're not wrong. I'm not wrong. This is my life, and yours is yours.
I'm 32 years old, going on 33. I look like i'm in my mid 20s. I'm average height. Average looks. I hate the way i look. I have a weak chin and big teeth. A thin upper lip and a full lower one.
I also have big dark eyes, a straight nose which is slightly turned upwards.
I have thick black wavy hair, but its frizzy and wont obey my pleas for it to behave.
i'm thin, but i have wide hips and i'm infested with cellulite.
I've been called ugly on numerous occasions.
I've been called beautiful on numerous occasions.

I'm neither.

I love my cat, but wouldnt want a house full of them. One cat is one too many. I'm a crazy cat woman.

My boyfriend loves me, but he forgets to tell me. HE shows me how much he loves me. Actions speak louder than words, but sometimes all you need, all you want is to hear those 3 words...I love you. Am i silly for wanting that?

Being the middle child, i'm a people pleaser. I dont like confrontation, well simply because i dont think i'm worth it. I want everybody to like me, i like only a few people. I'm alone, but rarely lonely.
I wish i were beautiful. I wish everybody saw me the way i wish i were. I close my eyes and imagine a more beautiful version of myself, and every time i open them i am so disappointed at who's staring back at me.
Why do i have to be so ugly? and why so ugly in a family that's so beautiful?
I hate my luck, even tho, luck hasnt completely abandoned me.

This is Chapter one of my pathetic life...