When i was younger, i wanted to change the world. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to be the exception to all the "Adult" rule. What rule? the one where adults are too busy being realistic to make this world a better place.
I wanted to join MSF and help those who were less forutnate, or who just needed some help during a certain period in their life. I wanted to make people smile. I wanted to be the girl who'd volunteer in a hundred different odd jobs.
Here i am, a woman of 32 who comes back home from work and barely has any energy to cook for one. Sometimes i do, mostly i dont. I sit on my fat ass and turn on the TV cuz i hate being alone sometimes and i just need to hear the TV in the background.
I'm too tired to do anything productive, and too guilty to waste it sleeping.
I often wonder what happened to that little girl in me, the one that wanted to help the world. I know that if she met me, she would disown me. I have grown into an ugly, selfish and materialistic woman.
I have a job i'm not particularly happy about, but it pays well and is stable.
I still help people in my line of work (i'm in the mental health business) but it seems like "work" and not like helping. All i want to do is go home and grow older. Cuz that's how i feel lately. I feel old.
Does anybody feel this way? Can it be that i'm the only tired 32 yr old in the planet?
At least i jogged today. Hopefully i'll keep that up.
I try to find pleasure in adult things. Maybe it's a matter of changing your perspective? I've always thought of happiness as a choice.
ReplyDeletehttp://ficklecattle.blogspot.com/
Thank you for your comment. I completely agree with you, hapiness is a choice we actively make every morning when we wake up. I just wish i still had the fire in me that i had when i was younger. Who knows, maybe its still there i just misplaced it ;o)
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