Oh God i can't sleep!!! and tomorrow (or should i say later today) i have a morning clinic and a presentation in the afternoon! i want to cry... let me cry...
Showing posts with label insomnia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insomnia. Show all posts
Friday, 8 April 2011
insomnia
I can't sleep. i wonder if it's the cappuccino i had earlier today or if it's the answer i got from my fiance? maybe it's a bit of both. Maybe it's neither.
I'm lying in bed listening to my cat purr and playing with this silly application on facebook. Dont know if you've ever come across it, the one where you vote if a person is "sexy", or "cute", or whatever. I've been on it for over an hour and i wonder, is it because i feel my self esteem has plumeteth to the ground that i need complete strangers (and possible perverts) to vote for me? does the fact that i get voted "Sexy" by a complete nobody really boost my selfesteem or is it me looking for something i am missing at the moment?
I'm lost, i have so many questions passing through my mind and not enough answers to satisfy me.
Maybe that's simply because they are "my" answers, and all i want, all i ever wanted was "his" answers.
This brings me a flashback to when i was younger and i would ask my mother if she loved me, and she wouldnt say she did, she'd simply say, "what a stupid question" but knowing that she loved me wasn't enough, i just wanted to hear the words...
i just want to hear the words...
I'm lying in bed listening to my cat purr and playing with this silly application on facebook. Dont know if you've ever come across it, the one where you vote if a person is "sexy", or "cute", or whatever. I've been on it for over an hour and i wonder, is it because i feel my self esteem has plumeteth to the ground that i need complete strangers (and possible perverts) to vote for me? does the fact that i get voted "Sexy" by a complete nobody really boost my selfesteem or is it me looking for something i am missing at the moment?
I'm lost, i have so many questions passing through my mind and not enough answers to satisfy me.
Maybe that's simply because they are "my" answers, and all i want, all i ever wanted was "his" answers.
This brings me a flashback to when i was younger and i would ask my mother if she loved me, and she wouldnt say she did, she'd simply say, "what a stupid question" but knowing that she loved me wasn't enough, i just wanted to hear the words...
i just want to hear the words...
Sunday, 9 January 2011
Post call...
Yesterday was my first on call as a senior. At ten in the morning, while covering the clinic, my junior calls me to inform me that we have a patient in the ER waiting for us. She went ahead with the intern while i finished seeing the patient in the clinic. Soon enough i joined them, and the nightmare begins...
four ER patients and a consult later, it was 7 pm and i was back in the resident's chillaxin room. I helped our intern with the history for tomorrow's dreaded morning meeting and by 9 pm i was home.
I thought sleep would come easy but it never is when im oncall.. i always worry that the phone rings just as soon as i close my eyes to fall asleep. By 11ish i was exhausted, i'd fall in and out of sleep and that's when the itching started... Aparently, out of the blue, during my horrible ONCALL i get to be lucky enough to share my room with a damn mosquito!! I wanted to cry, but was just too tired to. So, i put on my futurama on my laptop and tried to mentally convince myself i wasnt itchy and that i'd soon enough fall asleep.
I slept after midnight... and the alarm suddenly went off! it was already 5 am! i couldnt believe how fast time passed! and to my horror, i see a msg from my junior. Apparently another case in the ER. How could this be possible?! She must be kidding!! We usually dont see more than 3 cases! and yet, we admitted 3 patients, and treated 2 in the ER PLUS one consultation from surgery! WE couldnt believe it! but all we could do was laugh. The cases were mostly stable and the admissions were ok, with only one somewhat worrisome.
The docs couldnt handle us presenting all the cases in full details (Which is so unlike our docs who want every small detail possible). And so it took us one hour to discuss only 4 cases somewhat briefly.
And After all of that? well, i had to cover another clinic... i finished at 1 pm... and i couldnt get home untill 3...
And why am i writing now? Well, i've been tossing and turning, and even tho im EXHAUSTED, i just cant seem to fall asleep, i can't seem to find the right position. If i cover up im too hot, if i dont im too cold, and i'm still worried about that damn mosquito!!!
four ER patients and a consult later, it was 7 pm and i was back in the resident's chillaxin room. I helped our intern with the history for tomorrow's dreaded morning meeting and by 9 pm i was home.
I thought sleep would come easy but it never is when im oncall.. i always worry that the phone rings just as soon as i close my eyes to fall asleep. By 11ish i was exhausted, i'd fall in and out of sleep and that's when the itching started... Aparently, out of the blue, during my horrible ONCALL i get to be lucky enough to share my room with a damn mosquito!! I wanted to cry, but was just too tired to. So, i put on my futurama on my laptop and tried to mentally convince myself i wasnt itchy and that i'd soon enough fall asleep.
I slept after midnight... and the alarm suddenly went off! it was already 5 am! i couldnt believe how fast time passed! and to my horror, i see a msg from my junior. Apparently another case in the ER. How could this be possible?! She must be kidding!! We usually dont see more than 3 cases! and yet, we admitted 3 patients, and treated 2 in the ER PLUS one consultation from surgery! WE couldnt believe it! but all we could do was laugh. The cases were mostly stable and the admissions were ok, with only one somewhat worrisome.
The docs couldnt handle us presenting all the cases in full details (Which is so unlike our docs who want every small detail possible). And so it took us one hour to discuss only 4 cases somewhat briefly.
And After all of that? well, i had to cover another clinic... i finished at 1 pm... and i couldnt get home untill 3...
And why am i writing now? Well, i've been tossing and turning, and even tho im EXHAUSTED, i just cant seem to fall asleep, i can't seem to find the right position. If i cover up im too hot, if i dont im too cold, and i'm still worried about that damn mosquito!!!
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